Tag: Teen Marriage

created

Wanted: Chosen One

Last March on the 20th, for some of you who kept up-to-date with this half-abandoned website (do forgive me for that, Senior year had been c-r-a-z-y), I wrote out a list on the perfect husband that I wish to marry someday in the near future. Come 2017, with heart even more dead set on getting married, I realized the ridiculousness of the list that I’ve written before and decided to give it a retouch. Please understand that this list is written simply to humor my cravings and this doesn’t determine anything. At all.

Also, shout out to the newly wed Natta and Wardah Maulina, a couple goals that made me pray day and night to meet the one man that has been written in my destiny.

Without further adieu, the list:

 

  1. Religious Beliefs: A practicing, critical, curious, tolerant, and passionate Muslim.
  2. In four words: Leader, responsible, honest, adventurous.
  3. Relationship type: Believe in monogamy 100%
  4. Sunday nights are for: Trying new couple activities (Scrapbook, cooking, rock climbing, yoga, ticking out bucket lists)
  5. Foreign or domestic: Foreign is very much preferable for their open-mind, though a domestic is also acceptable. Open-mind being the key.
  6. Ideal age: No older than 25.
  7. Perfect date: Adventure to new places and learn new experiences.
  8. Body type: Anything, as long as healthy. Disability and scars also don’t scare me, I’m willing to learn.
  9. Expert or Generalist: Expert in what he does.
  10. Beach house or country house: I wrote country house last year. Now that I’ve gotten more appreciative of the sunlight, whichever’s fine.
  11. Mommy issues: No, absolutely not. He must love his mother.
  12. Dietary restriction: Doesn’t eat anything that’s forbidden in Islam.
  13. Wants kids? Yes, and I hope to marry someone who’s willing to adopt. I’ve come to learn that there are far too many children who deserve a home. I also wish for my first child to be the adopted child so he can feel more included into the family (This topic is up for discussion).
  14. Does he cook? He has to be willing to try and cook with me on weekends.
  15. Drinking habits? No alcohol.
  16. Cats or Dogs? Cats, though only because religious reasons. If he wants to appreciate pugs or huskies or golden retrievers, that is completely acceptable.
  17. Inked? As long as he’s asked for His forgiveness, I’ll bat a blind eye on past mistakes and regrets.
  18. Sarcastic? The funnier the better, as long as it’s humorous and positive
  19. Who’s prettier? He can be prettier.
  20. He shouldn’t be: A pessimist cynic.
  21. Confidence from 1-10? 11
  22. Chivalry is…? A must!
  23. Man? Woman? Either? Man. Still man.
  24. Likes your job? Yes, he must support my job and dream to the fullest.
  25. Has he ever cheated? As long as he’s a changed man, it’s tolerable.
  26. His turns on: Confidence and big heart.
  27. Takes charge or takes orders? I’d love for him to take charge, though I wish for him to treat me on the basis of mutual respect and equity.
  28. Furry or smooth? Facial hair, yes. Chest hair, no. Legs or arms, sure.
  29. Times for work? As long as he’s free on weekends and makes time for me.
  30. No shorter than: Me
  31. Selfies: Not so much on his own, but taking lots are nice if with family or friends.
  32. Hair style: Either short or long, messy mid-length hair is a meh. If he can rock a man bun, yes.
  33. Multi-lingual: Yes, especially English. Definitely English.
  34. Views: Open-minded.
  35. Credits? Good, he must crave knowledge and be well educated. It shows that he is serious and understands about wanting to make a good life for his own by working hard to achieve good things
  36. Night owl or early bird? Doesn’t matter as long as he wakes me up for Fajr and sleeps after Isha.
  37. What’s his style? Clean, acceptable for social events, and wear clothes that is actually his size.
  38. Hobbies? Anything is fine, but writing, reading, or outdoor activity is much more preferable (running, hiking, et cetera). If he likes playing with trinkets or a handy man, that’s a bonus for me.
  39. First weekend away? Outbond, definitely.
  40. Degree? Let’s work together towards PhD before 30.
  41. Clean or Messy? Clean and organized.
  42. Politics? Gets the hang of it.
  43. He should…? Be open-minded. This is the n-th time I’ve written this. He should be open-minded without straying his views on the rules that’s written in Islam.
  44. Sport? He sweats regularly and is willing to go for a run on holidays or weekends.
  45. Art? Can appreciate art, creativity, and musical theater.
  46. Job? Anything that he loves doing instead of being forced into doing. Also, anything that pay the bills.
  47. Family matters? I’d love to marry someone who has a large family that I can get to know, but I’m not very picky on the matter.
  48. No-no #1? Not religious.
  49. No-no #2? Restricting me from my education, job, and right.
  50. No-no #3? A pessimist who doesn’t have a dream. Dreaming big is attractive, and him working to make his dream come true is even more attractive.

I try to broaden my views on the matter of husband. Allah will not meet me a husband if He deems I’m not ready, and I’m trying at the moment. I know the chances of a 17 year old nobody who just came out of highschool with no clear knowledge on her future meeting her soulmate is very slim, but I really do wish to form a Halal relationship with someone He’s chosen for me.

At the end of the day, only Istikharah prayer will help me decided who’s right and who’s not, so the list won’t matter much. Right now I’m just hoping to get through the National Exam, Prom, Graduation Day, and then get accepted to university with a decent scholarship so I can be financially independent in case I do get married.

I’ll tell you how it turns out later on.

Here’s to he who’s name’s been written in my fate

perfect match

List Toward the Perfect One

While I was lying around in bed with my phone in my face (typical Sunday), I saw this trending on YouTube about a girl finding her perfect match by making a list out of what she’s looking for in a guy, and so I went ahead and checked this video presented by Glamour Magazine since it has been there in my trending for weeks.

At first I was doubtful about it, but I was a bit inspired in the middle of my boredom to write my own list. However, before I started, I looked for some inspirations about how I should write my list, and I stumbled upon this story in Oprah’s site about a woman called Alice Gorman finding ‘the one’  that missed only two out of a hundred qualities that she listed in a paper.

Even more inspired by this, I immediately set my mind upon writing a hundred qualities of the man I’m looking for in the hope for someone actually making it into the list.

Enjoy!

  1. Religious Beliefs: A practicing Muslim and loves his beliefs.
  2. In four words: Leader, responsible, honest, spontaneous.
  3. Relationship type: Believe monogamy 100%
  4. Sunday nights are for: Netflix and chill.
  5. Foreign or domestic: Foreign is preferable, but domestic is fine.
  6. Ideal age: No older than 25.
  7. Perfect date: Spontaneous road trip in the middle of nowhere.
  8. Body type: Healthy.
  9. Expert or Generalist: Expert in what he does.
  10. Beach house or country house: I actually had to google this and decided I prefer comfortable, cozy, country house. Beaches only make me feel restricted because I can’t go out and pose in a bikini.
  11. Mommy issues: No, absolutely not. He must love his mom.
  12. Dietary restriction: Doesn’t eat anything that’s forbidden in Islam, but he can be vegetarian. Vegan, not so much.
  13. Wants kids? Yes, but not until I’m ready to bear children. He must be considerate.
  14. Does he cook? He has to try.
  15. Drinking habits? No alcohol, soda is tolerable, coffee is a yes.
  16. Cats or Dogs? Cats, though only because religious reasons. If he wants to appreciate pugs or huskies or golden retrievers, that is completely acceptable.
  17. Inked? No.
  18. Sarcastic? The funnier the better, as long as it’s humorous and positive
  19. Who’s prettier? Him, hahaha.
  20. He shouldn’t be: An anti-social and a smoker.
  21. Confidence from 1-10? 11
  22. Chivalry is…? A must!
  23. Man? Woman? Either? Man.
  24. Likes your job? Yes, he must support my job and dream to the fullest
  25. Has he ever cheated? As long as he’s a changed man, it’s tolerable.
  26. His turns on: Intelligence and confidence
  27. Takes charge or takes orders? He MUST take charge, and he has to earn my heart to make me want to be charged by him.
  28. Furry or smooth? Facial hair, yes. Chest hair, no. Legs or arms, why not.
  29. Times for work? As long as he’s free on weekends and makes time for me.
  30. No shorter than: Me
  31. Selfies: Not so much on his own, but taking lots are nice if with family or friends.
  32. Hair style: Either short or long, messy mid-length hair is a meh.
  33. Multi-lingual: Yes, especially English. Arabic is fine, too.
  34. Views: Open-minded and willing to try new things.
  35. Credits? Good, he must be willing to study and well educated. It shows that he is serious and understands about wanting to make a good life for his own by working hard to achieve good things
  36. Night owl or early bird? Doesn’t matter as long as he gets up for Fajr and sleeps after Isha.
  37. What’s his style? Clean, acceptable for social events, and wear clothes that is actually his size. One thing he can’t wear is something that shows of his thigh or knees when going out.
  38. Hobbies? Anything is fine, but writing, reading, or outdoor activity is much more preferable (running, hiking, et cetera)
  39. First weekend away? Outbond, definitely.
  40. Degree? Let’s work together towards PhD before 30.
  41. Clean or Messy? Clean and organized.
  42. Politics? Gets the hang of it
  43. He should…? Understand Harry Potter, always communicate, and be early or on-time
  44. Sport? He sweats regularly and is willing to go for a run on holidays or weekends
  45. Art? Can appreciate creativity and musical theater
  46. Job? Anything that he loves doing instead of being forced into doing
  47. Family matters? Totally, I’m looking for a guy who has a big farm fuzzy family that can go on trips together
  48. No-no #1? Not religious
  49. No-no #2? Me having to take charge over him
  50. No-no #3? A pessimist who doesn’t have a dream. Dreaming big is attractive, and him working to make his dream come true is even more attractive.

And there you go! 50 things I look for in a guy, comment if you know anyone–no, just kidding.

Special thanks to Glamour Magazine for the questions that I nicked from ‘The Perfect One’ video. Looking forward for more episodes!

QUESTIONS_ANSWERS

Teen Marriage Q&A

The closer I get to 17, the more anxious I become about the actual topic of getting married. Like every single girl out there, marriage and wedding is the one thing in life I wish to be made perfect. Perfect groom, dress, venue, food, ring, and just about everything. It’s this one day in the life of a girl that just has to be completely perfect, excuse the repetition of the word. And the nearer I get to the date, the more photos of different men are being showed and the more my friends are questioning my sanity as a teenager. These are the most frequent questions they ask that I feel the need to make it clear for everyone.

Q: Why so soon? Aren’t you rushing it?
A: Because I want to feel love the way you can, just in a Halal way. I want to go to movies, make funny videos, talk about life, cuddle, and do all those stuff without feeling guilty about sinning and all that, you know? I want to enjoy my youth while it last with someone I love.

Q: What if you don’t love him?
A: I will have to, eventually. I’ve always dreamed of marrying the person I love, but I suppose now I just need to work on loving the person I’ll marry. I believe that love is a feeling that shows its head when two work for it.

Q: Who’s the guy?
A: I don’t know, we’re still looking.

Q: Is he going to be the same age as you?
A: I’m a dominant person, so I’m hoping for an older guy, the gap of age can make me respect him better. I’d also prefer it if the guy is not someone that I know before. I like the idea of having a new start with someone who doesn’t know me so we can start that ‘getting to know each other’ process together.

Q: Don’t tell me you’re going to become a teen mom!
A: No! God, I’m not planning on getting pregnant so soon, I still have university and career to think about. I’m not getting married to raise a family, I’m just getting married to have a proper relationship.

Q: What if he wants to?
A: These things can be negotiated, right? I’ll only be 17 after all.

Q: Who’s going pay for university if he’s still the same age as you?
A: His parents and mine, at least until the two of us can get a proper career—or I’ll have scholarship to afford my daily needs.

Q: If you find someone you click with, are you going to text back and forth with him?
A: No, I don’t think so, not until marriage at least.

Q: How are you going to know his personality and all that?
A: If things are fixed, his family is supposed to come to my house to get to know each other and all that before the actual engagement.

Q: What if he treats you badly?
A: When I find someone, I’m going to pray and wait for Allah’s answer if he’s the one. I have faith that whoever Allah choses for me is the perfect one, and hence no such thing as marrying the wrong guy.

Q: When’s the wedding?
A: Depends on where I’ll go to university, but I’m hoping for the ceremony to be a simple thing at home soon after the engagement, just to make things Halal. That way I can have pre-wedding photos and plan for the wedding together.

Q: Aren’t you scared?
A: I am! Hahaha, I am. What if he can’t speak English? What if he doesn’t like traveling? What if he wears baggy pants? What if he won’t go to musicals and forbids me from singing altogether? What if he won’t take selfies and such?

Q: Is this because you’re not allowed to date?
A: I don’t want to date. It’s my choice.

And I suppose that’s what I need everyone to understand. That everyone has a choice, and I’m choosing mine. Please respect that.

islamic-man-performing-sajdah

Picking the One

I spent 2015 thinking I could forget about love and chemistry and just find someone, anyone, to be my future husband. He could be five years older or two years younger, as long as he was ready for marriage, I didn’t care.

It was easier to think about marriage without doubts when you don’t care about the whole equation and just focus on the results.

Then we hit 2016, and uncertainty started crawling their ways through my current stone-cold heart.

Aside from religious, what if he’s not witty enough? What if he can’t understand how I think and see the world? What if he can’t follow my jokes and laugh at scandalous idioms? What if he’s shy and won’t be willing to make memorable vlogs of our marriage together? Oh–What if he can’t speak English?

The thoughts are never-ending, twisted things. It’s like sinking deeper and deeper into a never-ending ocean without finding ways of coming up for air.

It’s January 2016 and I’m horrified at the idea of finding the wrong one. Funny thing about love is you know exactly what you don’t want but have no single clue of what you want. It’s a cycle of let’s try and see if we click, and sometimes two are just not meant to click.

And gone is now the thoughts of anybody as thoughts of somebody specific reappears. Thoughts of man I crossed out from the calculation for being too distant and non existent–

–Oh, and there’s also thought of one other man too, smart enough to joke and have fun with, who is currently laying in hospital for being sick. If only that man is capable of English–

–and willing.

Look how pathetic I’m being.

I suppose even I can’t just say  yes to anybody breathing Islam. I just wish people who do aren’t so primitive and stuck in a different era completely.

Here’s to looking and finding.
wedding-rings-wallpaper1

In Which I Could Not Care Any Less

“I’m getting married once I graduate High School,” I told a dear friend once upon a time in the middle of a light conversation. “I don’t care who it is, as long as he’s religious. I don’t care if he just graduated as well, what matters now is how I can be a proper lady to get a good husband. My parents can pay for university.”

I was still the 15 year old teenager I wrote in my Bio, while my speaking partner was just two years older.

“What is it of all sudden?” she asked in worry. “Did something happen?”

I chuckled, “No, not really. Just got too tired of not being able to openly love anybody without it being a sin, you know? I’d really like to be able to love in a Halal way.”

We have always been too religious and God oriented for the majority of people in our community, and she understood it in a way most of my friend wouldn’t have been able to.

“I suppose I agree,” she responded. “I understand completely. I had the same thoughts just recently.”

“Right? I don’t care much about not being able to support myself yet.”

She paused, “Are you not scared?”

I snorted. Of course I was.

“What matters is I get married, date as long as I want, and then have kids once I’m a bit older and ready. Then everyone can suck it up and have their happily ever after.”

And then I told her a story of a couple who did just so. Married and bonded in a sacred relationship under His approval, both only 18. It was all I ever really wanted ever since I was in elementary. To be married so young, to be able to openly love without fearing anybody’s judgement. I told her of the brother of the bride who’s looking for a wife as well, I told her how I wish to be good enough person for man like him who’s serious about his religion and education.

She was the only person who’d understand my messed up train of thoughts, and thank Lord for her.

“I’m keeping my heart for my prince as well, you know?” She mused. “So now I’m really keeping myself for him, whoever he might be, so that I can be the best one for him too. Whoever my husband will be, I’ve promised to myself that once I’m married, I will keep my heart just for him and never look anywhere else.”

She has always been amazing in that traditional kind of way.

“I’m glad someone like you exist,” she said, and it was peaceful to hear it from her. “People here thinks getting hitched early is bad. I don’t get why.”

I laughed, “Maybe they think people like us are too eager to be intimate.

“What’s wrong about it?” She frowned. Then, she smiled, “Well, protect yourself until you find the one,” she ended the conversation. “I’ll protect myself as well too.”

“Alright.”

It was the only support I had about the matter, and I wasn’t one to say no to her. It won’t be the last conversation about it, and where we’re at was a good place for me. I look forward to where we’ll stand in two years.

Cheers for now, and here’s to her.

 

 

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