Tag: Marriage

Loveless for the Better

Tomorrow, a senior older by two years my age will get her heart broken, for a person very dear to her heart is finally taking a wife.

As a supporter of the proper Islamic marriage, I’ve come to understand to not bat an eyelash at a wedding where neither the husband or wife know each other’s birthday or favorite color. Most of these marriages occur when practicing Muslims need companionship and choose to take wives or husbands without approaching adultery, or dating, as some of you might call it.

A person I know will become a husband tomorrow, and I will be the first person to call crap when he claims to be happy with the arrangement.

But I can’t hate him for his decisions. Never, especially when I am planning on doing the same in near future. Difference is, I’m going to get married without having to cut ties with an old lover.

This is what they mean when they say it’ll happen if it’s meant to be.

It doesn’t sit well with me, knowing he’s going to go through with this marriage with his heart trying to heal from a heartbreak understanding that he’s not marrying the one he loves. It could have happened, you know? He could have had the happy ending that he wanted. All he needed was just to wait.

He couldn’t, though, and I don’t blame him.

At the young age of 19, the world’s temptation was too much, and he chose the halal way out. The girl wasn’t ready, she was working on her dream, and he decided a marriage would only be a distraction.

Again, I don’t blame him. The timing didn’t fit, and whatever force in the universe was against them.

I only hope he can come to love his wife-to-be the same way he loved the girl. I hope he’ll find peace and be happy with the outcome no matter how difficult it is. I hope it all turns out to be a bundle of joy that God has planned for them all.

In the end I applaud him for putting Him first and love second. It was for God, and it was for good.

A Thought To Share About Converts

A thought of marrying a convert one day is appealing to me.

I’ve listened to convert stories before, be it from a convert himself or from YouTube. I’ve cried listening to strangers reciting Syahadah for the first time, and I’ve felt joy each time someone admits Islam is the way of life.

I like the idea of someone getting curious, researching, and studying thoroughly about Islam before he or she eventually convert. There’s something mesmerizing about those who wish to seek for the truth. The way a convert can think, or even admit there must be something else in life is a thing that I can’t imagine for myself. I was born Muslim, Islam was taught to me, and I swallowed it whole. I was taught that it was the one, that there was no any other way of living other than being a Muslim.

When converts share stories of how they fell into a wonder-struck moment with each discovery of Islam, I envy the way their eyes widens with amazement, to the point where the eyes go glassy at times. That feeling when they find a new way of life, the way they push their thoughts to look for answers to each new questions, I envy them.

I personally believe they deserve Islam so much more than most people nowadays who take it for granted.

I hope I get to marry a convert who is up for a night-long discussion that reels the mind and exhaust the soul.

A discussion that ends with amazement, awe, and gratefulness towards Him and His way of life.

Here’s to converts, have a great Ramadan!

In response to: Connected

Inspired by: Michael Atwood

Unknown Soulmate Wedding Plan

As ridiculous as marriage seems to teenagers, I’m sure many people have thought about their marriage since they were little. Most keep these thoughts hidden in their heads, while most strive to bring the fantasy to reality. 

So here is my reality;

The first thing that you immediately can get from this picture is that it is an Outdoor Wedding. With light, airy, sunny, and spring theme, I am in deep desire to have a Garden Wedding where there will be no reception whatsoever with light colors theme (either baby blue or cream).

The birdcage you see is the place where the ceremony will be held, and later will be the table where my husband and I will dine.

Here is the entrance.

This is where guests will enter the venue, with two different kinds of photobooths on each side. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will sit in the tables in the entrance handing out flowercrowns for the ladies and pocket flower for the gentlemen.

The next thing is the round tables. 

Instead of serving buffet, I plan to hand out menus in each table. Each table consists of eight people with guest names placed on each seat. Each guests will get to choose between two appatizers, main courses, and desserts. It will be a dinner occasion. 

The dress that I desire to wear is a light, cream colored dress with two layers at most that doesn’t cling to my curves too much. I’d like to be able to move quite easily and eat however much I want. The style that I wish to go for is a Greek type of dresses that just falls with gravity. If it doesnt work with Hijab, then I’m thinking about Medieval style dresses.

Tuxedos are the same however the style is, so I will leave that to my husband. The one thing he needs to take note is to make sure the suit is properly fitted with his actual size and not an inch or two bigger. 

The music on D-Day will not be a band. I am planning on hiring an orchestra that can fill the air with melodies from piano, cello, and violin.

I realize I might not have this wedding at all considering how I’m going to have to see what my husband wants, but since I don’t have any of those at the moment, I’ll relish my happiness here.

What kind of wedding would you like to have?

List Toward the Perfect One

While I was lying around in bed with my phone in my face (typical Sunday), I saw this trending on YouTube about a girl finding her perfect match by making a list out of what she’s looking for in a guy, and so I went ahead and checked this video presented by Glamour Magazine since it has been there in my trending for weeks.

At first I was doubtful about it, but I was a bit inspired in the middle of my boredom to write my own list. However, before I started, I looked for some inspirations about how I should write my list, and I stumbled upon this story in Oprah’s site about a woman called Alice Gorman finding ‘the one’  that missed only two out of a hundred qualities that she listed in a paper.

Even more inspired by this, I immediately set my mind upon writing a hundred qualities of the man I’m looking for in the hope for someone actually making it into the list.


  1. Religious Beliefs: A practicing Muslim and loves his beliefs.
  2. In four words: Leader, responsible, honest, spontaneous.
  3. Relationship type: Believe monogamy 100%
  4. Sunday nights are for: Netflix and chill.
  5. Foreign or domestic: Foreign is preferable, but domestic is fine.
  6. Ideal age: No older than 25.
  7. Perfect date: Spontaneous road trip in the middle of nowhere.
  8. Body type: Healthy.
  9. Expert or Generalist: Expert in what he does.
  10. Beach house or country house: I actually had to google this and decided I prefer comfortable, cozy, country house. Beaches only make me feel restricted because I can’t go out and pose in a bikini.
  11. Mommy issues: No, absolutely not. He must love his mom.
  12. Dietary restriction: Doesn’t eat anything that’s forbidden in Islam, but he can be vegetarian. Vegan, not so much.
  13. Wants kids? Yes, but not until I’m ready to bear children. He must be considerate.
  14. Does he cook? He has to try.
  15. Drinking habits? No alcohol, soda is tolerable, coffee is a yes.
  16. Cats or Dogs? Cats, though only because religious reasons. If he wants to appreciate pugs or huskies or golden retrievers, that is completely acceptable.
  17. Inked? No.
  18. Sarcastic? The funnier the better, as long as it’s humorous and positive
  19. Who’s prettier? Him, hahaha.
  20. He shouldn’t be: An anti-social and a smoker.
  21. Confidence from 1-10? 11
  22. Chivalry is…? A must!
  23. Man? Woman? Either? Man.
  24. Likes your job? Yes, he must support my job and dream to the fullest
  25. Has he ever cheated? As long as he’s a changed man, it’s tolerable.
  26. His turns on: Intelligence and confidence
  27. Takes charge or takes orders? He MUST take charge, and he has to earn my heart to make me want to be charged by him.
  28. Furry or smooth? Facial hair, yes. Chest hair, no. Legs or arms, why not.
  29. Times for work? As long as he’s free on weekends and makes time for me.
  30. No shorter than: Me
  31. Selfies: Not so much on his own, but taking lots are nice if with family or friends.
  32. Hair style: Either short or long, messy mid-length hair is a meh.
  33. Multi-lingual: Yes, especially English. Arabic is fine, too.
  34. Views: Open-minded and willing to try new things.
  35. Credits? Good, he must be willing to study and well educated. It shows that he is serious and understands about wanting to make a good life for his own by working hard to achieve good things
  36. Night owl or early bird? Doesn’t matter as long as he gets up for Fajr and sleeps after Isha.
  37. What’s his style? Clean, acceptable for social events, and wear clothes that is actually his size. One thing he can’t wear is something that shows of his thigh or knees when going out.
  38. Hobbies? Anything is fine, but writing, reading, or outdoor activity is much more preferable (running, hiking, et cetera)
  39. First weekend away? Outbond, definitely.
  40. Degree? Let’s work together towards PhD before 30.
  41. Clean or Messy? Clean and organized.
  42. Politics? Gets the hang of it
  43. He should…? Understand Harry Potter, always communicate, and be early or on-time
  44. Sport? He sweats regularly and is willing to go for a run on holidays or weekends
  45. Art? Can appreciate creativity and musical theater
  46. Job? Anything that he loves doing instead of being forced into doing
  47. Family matters? Totally, I’m looking for a guy who has a big farm fuzzy family that can go on trips together
  48. No-no #1? Not religious
  49. No-no #2? Me having to take charge over him
  50. No-no #3? A pessimist who doesn’t have a dream. Dreaming big is attractive, and him working to make his dream come true is even more attractive.

And there you go! 50 things I look for in a guy, comment if you know anyone–no, just kidding.

Special thanks to Glamour Magazine for the questions that I nicked from ‘The Perfect One’ video. Looking forward for more episodes!

Impian Masa Kecil

What’s your childhood dream?

Ketika ditanya seperti itu, mayoritas orang akan dengan mudahnya menjawab seperti pilot, polisi, dokter, tentara, dan sejuta profesi lain yang ada. Saya tidak terkecuali, karena selama ini saya kira dream atau cita-cita itu hanya terbatas kepada profesi belaka.

Tapi jika ditanya lagi dengan pertanyaan itu, saya ingin menjawab sesuatu yang berbeda. Saya ingin menjawab apa yang dari kecil sudah saya impikan, segila apapun itu.

Saya ingin menjadi seorang istri, di usia muda, kepada seorang lelaki yang mencintai Tuhan. Tanpa embel-embel menjadi ibu atau berkeluarga, saya hanya ingin menjadi seorang istri dan berpacaran secara halal bersama seorang laki-laki sampai nanti tiba waktu yang cocok bagi kami untuk memulai keluarga. Simpel, mudah, dan sulit dipahami bagi orang yang tidak mengetahui banyak tentang agama.

Saya tumbuh di keluarga Islam yang berpemahaman bahwa seorang perempuan harus menjaga kehormatannya dan tidak boleh dengan mudahnya luluh dengan laki-laki. Seorang perempuan yang baik adalah perempuan yang menjaga dirinya untuk seseorang yang sudah menjadi pilihan Tuhan baginya. Tugas perempuan hanyalah mempersiapkan diri dan menunggu sampai saatnya tiba.

Sekarang ini sudah 2015, hampir 2016, bahkan, dan mungkin pembaca akan berpikir, “Primitif banget sih, jaman kan sudah modern?”

Pikiran seperti itu juga sering terbesit di benak saya sesekali, dan saya akui saya sendiri pernah merasakan yang namanya pacaran atau dekat dengan lawan jenis di luar batas. Tapi pada akhirnya, terbawa dengan mimpi masa kecil, sekarang setiap saya merasa ada laki-laki yang bisa menarik hati, saya langsung berpikir, apakah saya mau menikah dengannya? Apakah saya bersedia dipimpin oleh laki-laki seperti dia? Apakah dia bisa menjadi imam yang baik untuk kehidupan rumah tangga kedepannya?

Sampai saat ini, kebanyakan jawabannya berakhir tidak.

Tapi semua ini tidak otomatis menutup hati. Apakah saya ingin mencintai dan dicintai? Tentu saja mau, lalu bagaimana caranya?

Gampang, menikah saja.

Ketika saya mengungkapkan ini kepada publik, pernah ada yang memberi celetukan, “Jadi orang itu jangan koleksi mantan suami, mantan pacar mah gakpapa.”

“Emang yang mau cerai siapa?” tanya saya heran.

“Ya pasti cerai lah. Kalo lu nikah sama orang sebelum lu kenal dia baik buruknya gimana, lu pasti nyesel,” jelas dia.

Saya semakin heran. “Kan sebelum nikah pasti gua udah istikhoroh, Allah pasti ngasih yang terbaik.”

“Jadi orang tuh nikmatin dulu masa muda lu,” tukasnya.

“Ngapain?” Ketika itu, saya sudah kesal. “Emangnya gak bisa ya, seneng-seneng sama suami?”

“Terus lu umur 18 udah mau punya anak, gitu?”

Disini saya agak sedih. Saya kira di jaman modern ini orang tidak akan otomatis menyangkutpautkan pernikahan dengan memulai keluarga, atau yang paling parah putus sekolah.

Pernah juga baru-baru ini seseorang bertanya, “Tapi kamu pasti pernah kan, suka sama orang?”

Suka, jika diartikan lebih dari chat setiap hari dan di greet pagi siang sore, saya jawab, “Percuma kak, toh suka sama anak di sekolah pasti gak akan berujung nikah,” jawab saya.

Pada akhirnya teman saya yang pertama memang tidak satu paham dengan saya, dan saya memakluminya. Sempat ragu juga, karena saya tidak pernah mendengar cerita orang menikah di usia yang begitu muda, apalagi pada jaman seperti sekarang, sampai akhirnya pada tahun ini, saya mendengar dua kabar pernikahan yang baru berlangsung tahun 2015 ini.

Yang pertama adalah pernikahan antara pemuda Malaysia dengan remaja kelahiran Indonesia-Jepang. Keduanya sekarang berusia 18 tahun dan bersekolah di suatu Universitas di Malaysia.  Berikut adalah artikel yang ditulis oleh sang suami, Harun Johari, yang menjelaskan kenapa mereka memilih untuk menikah di usia begitu muda yang berjudul ‘Why We Get Married at 18’.

Jawabannya begitu mudah, saya kutip,

Some people might be asking, “Why at the age of 18? Is it not too rushing?”

Allah (s.w.t) has stated in the Holy Quran;

وَلَا تَقۡرَبُواْ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ‌ۖ إِنَّهُ ۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةً۬ وَسَآءَ سَبِيلاً۬

“And do not approach adultery. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.”

 [Surah Al-Isra’ 17:32]

Pernikahan kedua adalah pernikahan yang saya hadiri baru-baru ini. Lagi-lagi seorang remaja cantik nan dewasa berusia 18 tahun, lulusan sekolah Husnul Khotimah, dengan laki-laki berusia 21 tahun. Perempuan ini merupakan gadis cerdas yang menduduki peringkat 2 seangkatan di sekolahnya, dan seorang teman dari sekolah tersebut bercerita kepada saya bahwa yang menduduki peringkat satu juga baru saja menikah dan sudah dibawa oleh suaminya ke luar negeri.

Saya jadi iri.

Ketika Anda hidup di lingkungan islami yang kuat, rasanya mudah saja bertemu dengan laki-laki yang berprinsip sama untuk berta’aruf, berkhitbah, dan menikah.

Lalu saya pernah bertanya kepada Ummi saya. Bagaimana jika saya ingin menikah tapi baik saya maupun suami saya tidak dapat membayar sekolah secara mandiri? Andaikan saja saya dan suami saya masih usia kuliah, bagaiman dengan biayanya? Hal seperti itu dapat didiskusikan, jawabnya. Selama dua pihak keluarga sama-sama setuju, kenapa tidak?

Ketika orangtua saja setuju dengan saya menikah ssetelah lulus SMA, rasanya mudah saja menunggu sampai waktunya tiba sambil memantaskan diri dan memperbaiki kebiasaan-kebiasaan kecil seperti menjemur handuk kembali dan melipat mukena kembali setelah solat, karena tidak pantas berharap mendapatkan suami yang sedemikian rupa jika saya tidak seperti itu juga.

Untuk saat ini, saya hanya berharap pembaca dapat mengerti bahwa pandangan seperti ini masih ada walaupun pada jaman seperti ini. Banyak, bahkan, dan saya harap pembaca dapat menghargai perbedaan prinsip dan keyakinan yang kerap terjadi untuk urusan agama. Terima kasih untuk waktunya.

Ini untuk impian kecil.

I wish, I wish, I wish

Today is your lucky day. You get three wishes, granted to you by The Daily Post. What are your three wishes and why?

There are a thousand things I want plus more, but here are the first three that came to mind.

1. I wish my phone could be repaired in a night

Just about three hours ago, my iPhone slipped through my fingers while I was in the second floor of my house and it fell right to the first floor. The glass cracked, and the LCD screen broke. It won’t turn on, and I’m currently missing every bit of important information that could be hella crucial. I feel a lot like someone who’s stranded in a lost island.

2. I wish I was in Japan

Japan takes me to a whole new level of happiness, always been.

3. I wish I was married

Because at the end of the day, as a muslim woman, I couldn’t seem to love nor be loved by a decent man until a halal relationship is formed. And hey, I don’t think I want to wait another five years to allow myself to openly love a man.

Here’s to love, happiness, and luck

In response to: Lucky Star

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