Tag: Islam Page 2 of 3

When the Definition of Love Changed for Me

Despite wanting to just marry early, there’s a little story behind the real reasoning of why I avoided dating men altogether. You see, just like everyone else, I have crushes, fall in love, and have high expectation of men in general, and just like everyone else, I used to have boyfriends.

As in plural.

Number will remain classified.

All in different times, all happened without enough consideration, only driven by the need of being just like everybody else at school. At the time, having a relationship makes you known, people pay attention to the things you and your couple do, and therefore grant the popularity that normal school girl typically craves.

I started at elementary and stopped at junior. I still remember the names of who I actually cared about and who I dated simply for fun. I remember the one boy that I asked out for the first time and the boy who made it to two years with me. I remember the one that was just too much and the one that barely spoke at all. Despite them all, I remember the first love that I didn’t get to date and the guy who had the fortune to become my last.

It was fun, every bit of the experience. If you judge, I’ll say I didn’t understand what love was back then. I’ll say I was a kid, not knowing anything about what was right and wrong.

Then one day, a teacher sat me down. At the time, I definitely did gone too far and irritated everyone. She must have thought about putting an intervention to my improper childish behavior and said as softly as she could, “If you truly love your boyfriend, don’t you want him far away from sin and hell?”

I remember that specific moment all too clearly in my head.  I was sat down in her office with gobsmacked face and heart scrunching up with nasty feeling. It was scary how a simple sentence could slap some sense to my happy ending fantasy. To my eleven year old self, love was supposed to be hearts, chocolates, and surprising love notes. At least that was how I did my relationship, with shy glances and surprises hidden in the locker.

What she said in that definitive moment erased all those thoughts away in an instant, and I was pretty surprised at how my stubborn-self chose to accept the thought that fast.

Isn’t that the right kind of love? The love that protects the one you love from His hell? My subconscious said.

It might not be how I saw love then, but that was definitely how I wanted to be loved, even at the time. I remember the blurry things that happened right after. It was during the night when I decided the break up. It was in the afternoon when I wrote the break up note, being too much of a coward to slap the truth myself. It was the day after that I finally decided I needed to speak with my ex directly.

“So?” I asked him nervously, trying to project as much as guilt as possible. I was desperate for him to understand my reasoning. I wanted him to see that I did it because I cared.

‘I want us to break up. I don’t want you to sin any further because of me,’ was written in the note I gave him the day before.

He avoided my eyes altogether, “Well, sure.”

I’m really sorry.

“Are you really?” I considered one last something as a departing gift.

“Sorry, I need to go the bathroom,” he excused himself.

“Oh, alright.”

When he came back to the classroom, they said he was in tears.

After that, I stopped. He was my last boyfriend and I never had any other relationship after that. I remained distant, spoke against any confession, and prevented myself from falling in love altogether for the sake of not dealing with heartache. It’s been four years since my last official relationship, and it’s been four years since I last fall in love—as much as an eleven year old kid could fall in love, of course.

All in all, it was a good learning experience to me—at least until the days come when I hate myself with all being and just glare at that girl in the mirror. Damn you for holding onto such principal, I swear at my reflection as tears rolled down. I could have been with him if it wasn’t for you, I growled childishly in frustration to the red-eyed girl.

Those days eventually pass, especially when the thought of ‘good men think alike, and therefore these boys who don’t get it are not worth it’ appears. Then the tears, sobbing, and frustration disappear as a smile forcefully make its way back to the scowling, ugly, scrunched up face.

And now my view of a good man is the kind that doesn’t give a damn about hearts, chocolates, and surprising love notes before he can muster up the courage to speak up to my parent about asking for my hand. My whole definition of love changed right then and there, and it never changed again ever since.

That’s how it’s done properly, boys. Pay attention.

Impian Masa Kecil

What’s your childhood dream?

Ketika ditanya seperti itu, mayoritas orang akan dengan mudahnya menjawab seperti pilot, polisi, dokter, tentara, dan sejuta profesi lain yang ada. Saya tidak terkecuali, karena selama ini saya kira dream atau cita-cita itu hanya terbatas kepada profesi belaka.

Tapi jika ditanya lagi dengan pertanyaan itu, saya ingin menjawab sesuatu yang berbeda. Saya ingin menjawab apa yang dari kecil sudah saya impikan, segila apapun itu.

Saya ingin menjadi seorang istri, di usia muda, kepada seorang lelaki yang mencintai Tuhan. Tanpa embel-embel menjadi ibu atau berkeluarga, saya hanya ingin menjadi seorang istri dan berpacaran secara halal bersama seorang laki-laki sampai nanti tiba waktu yang cocok bagi kami untuk memulai keluarga. Simpel, mudah, dan sulit dipahami bagi orang yang tidak mengetahui banyak tentang agama.

Saya tumbuh di keluarga Islam yang berpemahaman bahwa seorang perempuan harus menjaga kehormatannya dan tidak boleh dengan mudahnya luluh dengan laki-laki. Seorang perempuan yang baik adalah perempuan yang menjaga dirinya untuk seseorang yang sudah menjadi pilihan Tuhan baginya. Tugas perempuan hanyalah mempersiapkan diri dan menunggu sampai saatnya tiba.

Sekarang ini sudah 2015, hampir 2016, bahkan, dan mungkin pembaca akan berpikir, “Primitif banget sih, jaman kan sudah modern?”

Pikiran seperti itu juga sering terbesit di benak saya sesekali, dan saya akui saya sendiri pernah merasakan yang namanya pacaran atau dekat dengan lawan jenis di luar batas. Tapi pada akhirnya, terbawa dengan mimpi masa kecil, sekarang setiap saya merasa ada laki-laki yang bisa menarik hati, saya langsung berpikir, apakah saya mau menikah dengannya? Apakah saya bersedia dipimpin oleh laki-laki seperti dia? Apakah dia bisa menjadi imam yang baik untuk kehidupan rumah tangga kedepannya?

Sampai saat ini, kebanyakan jawabannya berakhir tidak.

Tapi semua ini tidak otomatis menutup hati. Apakah saya ingin mencintai dan dicintai? Tentu saja mau, lalu bagaimana caranya?

Gampang, menikah saja.

Ketika saya mengungkapkan ini kepada publik, pernah ada yang memberi celetukan, “Jadi orang itu jangan koleksi mantan suami, mantan pacar mah gakpapa.”

“Emang yang mau cerai siapa?” tanya saya heran.

“Ya pasti cerai lah. Kalo lu nikah sama orang sebelum lu kenal dia baik buruknya gimana, lu pasti nyesel,” jelas dia.

Saya semakin heran. “Kan sebelum nikah pasti gua udah istikhoroh, Allah pasti ngasih yang terbaik.”

“Jadi orang tuh nikmatin dulu masa muda lu,” tukasnya.

“Ngapain?” Ketika itu, saya sudah kesal. “Emangnya gak bisa ya, seneng-seneng sama suami?”

“Terus lu umur 18 udah mau punya anak, gitu?”

Disini saya agak sedih. Saya kira di jaman modern ini orang tidak akan otomatis menyangkutpautkan pernikahan dengan memulai keluarga, atau yang paling parah putus sekolah.

Pernah juga baru-baru ini seseorang bertanya, “Tapi kamu pasti pernah kan, suka sama orang?”

Suka, jika diartikan lebih dari chat setiap hari dan di greet pagi siang sore, saya jawab, “Percuma kak, toh suka sama anak di sekolah pasti gak akan berujung nikah,” jawab saya.

Pada akhirnya teman saya yang pertama memang tidak satu paham dengan saya, dan saya memakluminya. Sempat ragu juga, karena saya tidak pernah mendengar cerita orang menikah di usia yang begitu muda, apalagi pada jaman seperti sekarang, sampai akhirnya pada tahun ini, saya mendengar dua kabar pernikahan yang baru berlangsung tahun 2015 ini.

Yang pertama adalah pernikahan antara pemuda Malaysia dengan remaja kelahiran Indonesia-Jepang. Keduanya sekarang berusia 18 tahun dan bersekolah di suatu Universitas di Malaysia.  Berikut adalah artikel yang ditulis oleh sang suami, Harun Johari, yang menjelaskan kenapa mereka memilih untuk menikah di usia begitu muda yang berjudul ‘Why We Get Married at 18’.

Jawabannya begitu mudah, saya kutip,

Some people might be asking, “Why at the age of 18? Is it not too rushing?”

Allah (s.w.t) has stated in the Holy Quran;

وَلَا تَقۡرَبُواْ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ‌ۖ إِنَّهُ ۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةً۬ وَسَآءَ سَبِيلاً۬

“And do not approach adultery. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.”

 [Surah Al-Isra’ 17:32]

Pernikahan kedua adalah pernikahan yang saya hadiri baru-baru ini. Lagi-lagi seorang remaja cantik nan dewasa berusia 18 tahun, lulusan sekolah Husnul Khotimah, dengan laki-laki berusia 21 tahun. Perempuan ini merupakan gadis cerdas yang menduduki peringkat 2 seangkatan di sekolahnya, dan seorang teman dari sekolah tersebut bercerita kepada saya bahwa yang menduduki peringkat satu juga baru saja menikah dan sudah dibawa oleh suaminya ke luar negeri.

Saya jadi iri.

Ketika Anda hidup di lingkungan islami yang kuat, rasanya mudah saja bertemu dengan laki-laki yang berprinsip sama untuk berta’aruf, berkhitbah, dan menikah.

Lalu saya pernah bertanya kepada Ummi saya. Bagaimana jika saya ingin menikah tapi baik saya maupun suami saya tidak dapat membayar sekolah secara mandiri? Andaikan saja saya dan suami saya masih usia kuliah, bagaiman dengan biayanya? Hal seperti itu dapat didiskusikan, jawabnya. Selama dua pihak keluarga sama-sama setuju, kenapa tidak?

Ketika orangtua saja setuju dengan saya menikah ssetelah lulus SMA, rasanya mudah saja menunggu sampai waktunya tiba sambil memantaskan diri dan memperbaiki kebiasaan-kebiasaan kecil seperti menjemur handuk kembali dan melipat mukena kembali setelah solat, karena tidak pantas berharap mendapatkan suami yang sedemikian rupa jika saya tidak seperti itu juga.

Untuk saat ini, saya hanya berharap pembaca dapat mengerti bahwa pandangan seperti ini masih ada walaupun pada jaman seperti ini. Banyak, bahkan, dan saya harap pembaca dapat menghargai perbedaan prinsip dan keyakinan yang kerap terjadi untuk urusan agama. Terima kasih untuk waktunya.

Ini untuk impian kecil.

#HOTD: Floral Big Skirt

Floral outfit is making a comeback, at least in Islamic community here in Indonesia. If you take a look around, you can find floral print on praying outfit, headscarf, long dresses, and skirts. While I used to not have that much interest in floral print, the vintages ones that they are selling nowadays are worth second glances at stores. Just recently, my mother and I decided to make a custom vintage huge floral skirt, and this is how I wore it as we took a trip to Bogor for a meal.

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When you already have such an eye-catching number, it’s important to match it with a low-key piece. With the skirt, I decided to match it with a simple white shirt and silver headscarf.

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The secret to this huge skirt is the layer. Inside the actual skirt, there is a thin layer inside to add more volume of the skirt. This skirt is also made with three parts of cloth. There are three lines of stitches. Two on each sides, and one in the back. This helps the skirt to be shaped big.

With this simple outfit, you can go absolutely anywhere and have fun without feeling restricted at all.

Enjoy your day!

Why I Wish I Didn’t Know Who Harris J Is

This time, I’m going to rant about how much I hated knowing Harris J. For those of you who don’t know, Harris J is a British Muslim musician signed to Awakening Records. He is only 18, have memorized 10 Juz of the Quran, and is the Muslim version of ‘Justin Bieber’ as they say.

Perfect kind of man, don’t you think? Especially for those of you Muslim girls out there. There is absolutely nothing to hate from the guy, nothing at all, and that is exactly why I hate knowing him.

Here’s how it went.

Just about an hour ago, my mother texted me despite being right in the next room. She asked me if I knew Harris J, and I texted her back saying no, I don’t know him. She replied to me and said that he is the it guy at the moment, and she asked me to come to her room and see. I immediately closed my laptop and made my way to my parents’ bedroom. She was sprawled in bed watching a video from YouTube of Harris J. I laid down next to her and saw the person she was talking about.

He was a work of art.

And then I didn’t want to know more. It’s childish how I acted, but it really is a bit painful watching a guy like Harris. Not only is he a charming and humble person, he also memorizes 10 Juz of the Quran. His intonation is great, his memorization is perfect, he is an Indian-Irish fusion living in England, a singer, a naturally charming person, and he really does exist.

Who knew.

The thing is, boys these days are idiots who care more for unimportant mundane things such as cars, partying, cigarettes, and girls. You don’t see a Muslim like Harris who spreads good message through songs very often, and when you do find one, you just can’t help but to fall a little bit for him, and that’s where the painful part comes from, because you know Allah is so fair, He created him for someone worthy, and it stings when you realize you’re definitely not that worthy person. You know he deserves way more, and you can’t be selfish wanting him all to yourself. It hurts when you know an amazing person like him is not created for you, and life would have been a lot easier when you don’t know a guy like Harris exist at all. It makes you imagine all sorts of things, and while it is a bit creepy, you can’t help but wonder how praying and building a household with him as the imam would be like, and suddenly you’ve arranged a hopelessly impossible life plan for the two of you, and it’s just pathetic.

Umi, can you imagine him performing the adzan right into my ears to wake me up for Subuh? That would be heaven on earth.

This is just pathetic, what are the chances of a hopeful High School student from Indonesia ending up (in a Marriage) with a teenage heart-throb such as Harris J? This ain’t a movie, and this sure as hell ain’t a fairy tale.

So thank you for getting certain hopes up, but no, haha, in all honesty, I’m kind of glad a person like you exist, Harris. As surprising as you are, I hope your good messages are heard by people across the globe. Good luck with your music, and don’t forget any of the stuff you’ve memorized. Your reading of Ar-Rahman both when you were just a chubby little kid and now is just as great, and there really should be more men like you in this Earth. Maybe then, I will be worthy of one someday.

Here’s to Harris J

 

I’m A Hijabi Woman, But I’m Not…

Buzzfeed is definitely a website or YouTube channel known for its open-mindedness to encourage people to see the beauty in every community, religion, lifestyle, and it certainly doesn’t discriminate nor bash any ethnics. This is one of the reason why I subscribe to Buzzfeed, I’m just so deeply in love with their idea of bringing pride to everyone to be whoever we want to be.

This time, I raise my glass to Buzzfeed for their recent video called, I’m A Hijabi Woman, But I’m Not…

It’s a very heart-warming thing to see when you find this kind of video up in your subscription box. It becomes even more heart-warming when you realize this video can show the ignorant that not being a hijabi doesn’t mean anything, and just like that one woman said in the video, there’s way more interesting things to talk about.

I’m a hijabi, and I’m not perfect

Sujood.Co

About two weeks ago as I scrolled down tumblr (or Instagram) with the tag ‘Marriage’ or ‘Islam’ or something of that sort, I found this great website called Sujood.Co.

Sujood

 

This website is a place where you get to click on the [Select Emotion] and decide how you’re feeling at the moment. It can vary from angry, envy, desperate, and etc.

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Then, once you’ve decided on a certain emotion, the site will give you plenty of proverb or Quran’s surah to help you get through your problem and remember that Allah is ever the Wise and He didn’t plan certain things for nothing. For example, today, I will choose [Irritated].

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And that is the proverb that this site has for me.

It’s really amazing how this site was only made this year, and I think the prettiest part of this is the modern design that really goes against what people think when Islam comes to mind. To most people, when Islam is mentioned, the first thing that comes to mind would probably be some sort of an ancient and old school ideas of how Islam is generally like, and when you see website like this that shows Islam is universal and it grows on each generation, it becomes some sort of a heart-warming nice thing that proves we’re just as human as everyone else.

To everyone else, I hope you will go and pay the website a visit or two whenever you’re feeling blue just to see what they have to help heal your heart. You get to click like on the helpful proverbs and  take it into your sujood during prayer. That is what this site is about, to help people overcome their emotion through positive ways.

Here’s to Sujood.Co

Me, My Skirt, and I

The world’s a bitch.

Well, not the world. Just its people.

I think I’ve mentioned too many damn times of how hard it is to become an obedient Muslim woman. Now, don’t think I hate being one, don’t think I’m feeling oppressed like how you readers might think, but when I say it’s hard, it ain’t because I don’t want to do what I’m supposed to do.

What makes things hard is the judgement from you, the disrespect, and the way you think it’s okay to bad mouth my decision.

I am living in a place where even the majority of Muslims don’t wear the headscarf, and even when they do, they try to style it accordingly to be accepted by common mindless society. It will still cover the skin, but not the curves, which contradicts what the Prophet said about being clothed but naked.

So that’s a no to the tight jeans or leggings. Those expose too much sin, sin which I’m actually concerned about a long time ago before people start judging my fashion sense.

And hence why these conversation occurs too much:

Mum: Go change into skirt

Me: What for? These pants aren’t that tight.

Mum: They still show your backside and thighs

Me: They’re covered by my shirt

Mum: Well, your shirt isn’t long enough

Me: I’m not wearing skirt.

Mum: You are.

Me: No, I don’t want to be a freak.

That’s one example, here’s another one:

Friend: Why are you wearing skirt?

Friend: You look like a freak.

Friend: Ew.

Me: Yeah, can’t, forbidden from wearing jeans.

Friend: By who?

God.

Me: Mum.

And I blame Mum a lot, because she’s the only reason seem to be accepted by society. If I said it was my own choice, they’d think I’m the freak one, and I just thought that if I blame it on someone else, I wouldn’t have to take the fall for it.

I suppose I can be childish like that.

However, let me tell you the actual truth, there’s never a moment where I don’t feel like a good person covering my sins, but I also walk feeling like a failure because I can’t seem to be understood.

I don’t judge people when they live as they want, so why am I judged when I’m simply following little rules? Why do I have to be the freak one? Because I’m a minority, is that it?

Dude, words are sharp. Careful with those.

Leave people and their skirts alone, just like how they leave your choices alone. You can dislike the lifestyle, but please understand that it becomes so hard being a proud Muslim when people judge too much.

I personally think me wearing what I want to wear effects only my reputation and life, but please do tell if it effects yours as well so I can understand where your hate comes from. You can think it’s weird, you can laugh at it, but I’m begging you to help everyone feel comfortable in what they choose to wear. And please, you’re not at fault, you have every right to say what you need to say, I suppose it’s entirely mine for not being able to be strong enough to stand on my ground and ignore the acid comments.

Here’s to me, my skirt, and I

 

There’s Still Hope: Homeless Salesman

Disclaimer: Video is by AreWeFamousNow Youtube Channel. I do not gain profit whatsoever from sharing this video.

Close Call

As a woman striking to not be a mainstream (completely), I’ve begun to learn cooking few bits of things that are easy to make with home ingredients. That, or I’ve begun to buy more instant pasta for breakfast due to the boredom of eating bread five days a week.

So yesterday, my mother and I went to a supermarket and bought pizza ingredients. We’ve been planning on making one for months, but never actually gotten to make it due to strict schedules and laziness. Really, we just never really had the spirit to get up and get out of house to buy the mozzarella. So we bought all the stuff that we needed, and we got a few extra things such as fruits and pastas and candies. (This is why you should make a shopping list, readers, so you don’t buy things that you don’t need) 

This morning, we made the pizza as planned, and I also took out the pasta. So I began following the instructions on the package. I poured the water, the milk, the butter–and then I had to add the main ingredient. I put it all in, and I began stirring for 7 minutes. I was looking forward to eating it.

Then, slowly, I smelled something. It was such a sharp smell that struck right into my nose. It was fish, I thought. But then I didn’t remember buying seafood pasta. So I took the package and read what it had. You have to imagine how horrified I was when I saw the big, bold, label that said ‘CONTAINS PORK’.

(“Prohibited to you are dead animals, blood, the flesh of swine….” (Al-Mā’idah 5:3))

I gasped and turned the stove off immediately. My mother asked me what happened, and I told her how we bought the wrong thing. I immediately poured the whole thing into a plastic bag while holding my breath and threw it away. She and I both spent the morning scrubbing the stove off, and I was so lucky pork had such a distinct smell that I had noticed it sooner before it was too late.

Next time around, I’ll have to make sure to read the entire package before I buy anything instant.

Lesson learned.

Between Me and Allah

وَمِنَ ٱلنَّاسِ مَن يَتَّخِذُ مِن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ أَندَادً۬ا يُحِبُّونَہُمۡ كَحُبِّ ٱللَّهِ‌ۖ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓاْ أَشَدُّ حُبًّ۬ا لِّلَّهِ‌ۗ وَلَوۡ يَرَى ٱلَّذِينَ ظَلَمُوٓاْ إِذۡ يَرَوۡنَ ٱلۡعَذَابَ أَنَّ ٱلۡقُوَّةَ لِلَّهِ جَمِيعً۬ا وَأَنَّ ٱللَّهَ شَدِيدُ ٱلۡعَذَابِ

“And yet there are some people, who replace Allah with rivals, loving them as Allah is loved. But the believers love Allah more intensely” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:165) 

I ended a relationship in my past because I loved Allah more.

I told the ex exactly that, I told him I loved him enough that I didn’t want to be blamed for the sin he’ll get if he stayed with me.

After that, I swore to myself that he would be the last.

So I rejected every courtship, and I hear them whisper. I’m too serious, they say. No fun, too education-oriented, too much of a freak, you name it. I shrugged it off, I love Allah more, and He mattered more to me.

Except it got a bit harder, I wanted the whisperings to stop, I wanted to not be the freak, and I should have known better than to go behind Allah’s back and start a relationship.

It was never official, but it’d be a lie if I said it wasn’t real at some point. I never once told him that the reason why I couldn’t make it official was because I didn’t want to anger Allah.

He wouldn’t understand. None of my friends understood it.

Until at one point I couldn’t live up to that sin anymore, and I ended another one, for Allah’s sake. I told him exactly why, I didn’t expect him to understand. I didn’t expect anybody in my school to understand, and that’s okay.

It’s between me and Allah, and I believed if I loved anybody, I wouldn’t want Hell for them, so I took the hard route and asked for forgiveness. I begged for His love even after what I did, and I cried because I couldn’t bear with the thought of Him leaving me completely alone.

He wouldn’t. He’s the great, the merciful.

Allah understands, and that’s okay if my friends don’t.

It’s between me and Him, and I love Him more.

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