Tag: Islam (Page 1 of 3)

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Wanted: Chosen One

Last March on the 20th, for some of you who kept up-to-date with this half-abandoned website (do forgive me for that, Senior year had been c-r-a-z-y), I wrote out a list on the perfect husband that I wish to marry someday in the near future. Come 2017, with heart even more dead set on getting married, I realized the ridiculousness of the list that I’ve written before and decided to give it a retouch. Please understand that this list is written simply to humor my cravings and this doesn’t determine anything. At all.

Also, shout out to the newly wed Natta and Wardah Maulina, a couple goals that made me pray day and night to meet the one man that has been written in my destiny.

Without further adieu, the list:

 

  1. Religious Beliefs: A practicing, critical, curious, tolerant, and passionate Muslim.
  2. In four words: Leader, responsible, honest, adventurous.
  3. Relationship type: Believe in monogamy 100%
  4. Sunday nights are for: Trying new couple activities (Scrapbook, cooking, rock climbing, yoga, ticking out bucket lists)
  5. Foreign or domestic: Foreign is very much preferable for their open-mind, though a domestic is also acceptable. Open-mind being the key.
  6. Ideal age: No older than 25.
  7. Perfect date: Adventure to new places and learn new experiences.
  8. Body type: Anything, as long as healthy. Disability and scars also don’t scare me, I’m willing to learn.
  9. Expert or Generalist: Expert in what he does.
  10. Beach house or country house: I wrote country house last year. Now that I’ve gotten more appreciative of the sunlight, whichever’s fine.
  11. Mommy issues: No, absolutely not. He must love his mother.
  12. Dietary restriction: Doesn’t eat anything that’s forbidden in Islam.
  13. Wants kids? Yes, and I hope to marry someone who’s willing to adopt. I’ve come to learn that there are far too many children who deserve a home. I also wish for my first child to be the adopted child so he can feel more included into the family (This topic is up for discussion).
  14. Does he cook? He has to be willing to try and cook with me on weekends.
  15. Drinking habits? No alcohol.
  16. Cats or Dogs? Cats, though only because religious reasons. If he wants to appreciate pugs or huskies or golden retrievers, that is completely acceptable.
  17. Inked? As long as he’s asked for His forgiveness, I’ll bat a blind eye on past mistakes and regrets.
  18. Sarcastic? The funnier the better, as long as it’s humorous and positive
  19. Who’s prettier? He can be prettier.
  20. He shouldn’t be: A pessimist cynic.
  21. Confidence from 1-10? 11
  22. Chivalry is…? A must!
  23. Man? Woman? Either? Man. Still man.
  24. Likes your job? Yes, he must support my job and dream to the fullest.
  25. Has he ever cheated? As long as he’s a changed man, it’s tolerable.
  26. His turns on: Confidence and big heart.
  27. Takes charge or takes orders? I’d love for him to take charge, though I wish for him to treat me on the basis of mutual respect and equity.
  28. Furry or smooth? Facial hair, yes. Chest hair, no. Legs or arms, sure.
  29. Times for work? As long as he’s free on weekends and makes time for me.
  30. No shorter than: Me
  31. Selfies: Not so much on his own, but taking lots are nice if with family or friends.
  32. Hair style: Either short or long, messy mid-length hair is a meh. If he can rock a man bun, yes.
  33. Multi-lingual: Yes, especially English. Definitely English.
  34. Views: Open-minded.
  35. Credits? Good, he must crave knowledge and be well educated. It shows that he is serious and understands about wanting to make a good life for his own by working hard to achieve good things
  36. Night owl or early bird? Doesn’t matter as long as he wakes me up for Fajr and sleeps after Isha.
  37. What’s his style? Clean, acceptable for social events, and wear clothes that is actually his size.
  38. Hobbies? Anything is fine, but writing, reading, or outdoor activity is much more preferable (running, hiking, et cetera). If he likes playing with trinkets or a handy man, that’s a bonus for me.
  39. First weekend away? Outbond, definitely.
  40. Degree? Let’s work together towards PhD before 30.
  41. Clean or Messy? Clean and organized.
  42. Politics? Gets the hang of it.
  43. He should…? Be open-minded. This is the n-th time I’ve written this. He should be open-minded without straying his views on the rules that’s written in Islam.
  44. Sport? He sweats regularly and is willing to go for a run on holidays or weekends.
  45. Art? Can appreciate art, creativity, and musical theater.
  46. Job? Anything that he loves doing instead of being forced into doing. Also, anything that pay the bills.
  47. Family matters? I’d love to marry someone who has a large family that I can get to know, but I’m not very picky on the matter.
  48. No-no #1? Not religious.
  49. No-no #2? Restricting me from my education, job, and right.
  50. No-no #3? A pessimist who doesn’t have a dream. Dreaming big is attractive, and him working to make his dream come true is even more attractive.

I try to broaden my views on the matter of husband. Allah will not meet me a husband if He deems I’m not ready, and I’m trying at the moment. I know the chances of a 17 year old nobody who just came out of highschool with no clear knowledge on her future meeting her soulmate is very slim, but I really do wish to form a Halal relationship with someone He’s chosen for me.

At the end of the day, only Istikharah prayer will help me decided who’s right and who’s not, so the list won’t matter much. Right now I’m just hoping to get through the National Exam, Prom, Graduation Day, and then get accepted to university with a decent scholarship so I can be financially independent in case I do get married.

I’ll tell you how it turns out later on.

Here’s to he who’s name’s been written in my fate

Leave Them Be

Leave Them Be

People tend to forget that when you wish to cover up for religious purpose, you don’t do it half way. Some women who still struggle, bless them all, sometimes cover up only the hair and not the chest, only the feet and not the ankle, and I have highest respect to all those who still try no matter how difficult it is even in the most supporting environment, let alone a nonsupporting one.

So what is the problem?

The problem is, I am on my way trying to work on covering up every bit of skin that hide so many sin, and while it was never a struggle before when I believe I’m doing it for His sake, even my patience is wearing thin that I was close to snapping at my friends, and this coming from someone who dislike confrontation.

“Ew, why is your socks so long?” or “Ew, freak.”

Those hurt, and I laughed it off nonchalantly while reminding myself they don’t understand, and I can’t hate them for what they have no full comprehension of.

But the feelings crawl and itch right under my skin, to the ugliest side of my heart, and words that I wish I get to truthfully throw left and right feel like acid to my tongue.

In all honesty, I know they make me look like a freak, I know that, but does it ever occur to you that I still slap them on each morning because it’s for He who matters more?

Look how whiny I sound. This is pathetic of me too, to make such a big fuss out of it.

A playful banter is something I can take, knife-sharp words are something I grew to adjust with for the past two years, but I don’t wish this judgment upon anybody else who are still struggling with their Hijrah, and so I beg of you, don’t speak if you don’t have anything nice to say.

Leave people be with what they do, like how they leave you with what you do. Judge behind closed doors, reprimand only if it is something that truly counts as bad. Keep distance if you can’t hurt your image by being with them, and stay if you can’t give an ounce to care. It’s only simple, humane, and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Here’s to the struggle of Hijrah.

Loveless

Loveless for the Better

Tomorrow, a senior older by two years my age will get her heart broken, for a person very dear to her heart is finally taking a wife.

As a supporter of the proper Islamic marriage, I’ve come to understand to not bat an eyelash at a wedding where neither the husband or wife know each other’s birthday or favorite color. Most of these marriages occur when practicing Muslims need companionship and choose to take wives or husbands without approaching adultery, or dating, as some of you might call it.

A person I know will become a husband tomorrow, and I will be the first person to call crap when he claims to be happy with the arrangement.

But I can’t hate him for his decisions. Never, especially when I am planning on doing the same in near future. Difference is, I’m going to get married without having to cut ties with an old lover.

This is what they mean when they say it’ll happen if it’s meant to be.

It doesn’t sit well with me, knowing he’s going to go through with this marriage with his heart trying to heal from a heartbreak understanding that he’s not marrying the one he loves. It could have happened, you know? He could have had the happy ending that he wanted. All he needed was just to wait.

He couldn’t, though, and I don’t blame him.

At the young age of 19, the world’s temptation was too much, and he chose the halal way out. The girl wasn’t ready, she was working on her dream, and he decided a marriage would only be a distraction.

Again, I don’t blame him. The timing didn’t fit, and whatever force in the universe was against them.

I only hope he can come to love his wife-to-be the same way he loved the girl. I hope he’ll find peace and be happy with the outcome no matter how difficult it is. I hope it all turns out to be a bundle of joy that God has planned for them all.

In the end I applaud him for putting Him first and love second. It was for God, and it was for good.

Convert

A Thought To Share About Converts

A thought of marrying a convert one day is appealing to me.

I’ve listened to convert stories before, be it from a convert himself or from YouTube. I’ve cried listening to strangers reciting Syahadah for the first time, and I’ve felt joy each time someone admits Islam is the way of life.

I like the idea of someone getting curious, researching, and studying thoroughly about Islam before he or she eventually convert. There’s something mesmerizing about those who wish to seek for the truth. The way a convert can think, or even admit there must be something else in life is a thing that I can’t imagine for myself. I was born Muslim, Islam was taught to me, and I swallowed it whole. I was taught that it was the one, that there was no any other way of living other than being a Muslim.

When converts share stories of how they fell into a wonder-struck moment with each discovery of Islam, I envy the way their eyes widens with amazement, to the point where the eyes go glassy at times. That feeling when they find a new way of life, the way they push their thoughts to look for answers to each new questions, I envy them.

I personally believe they deserve Islam so much more than most people nowadays who take it for granted.

I hope I get to marry a convert who is up for a night-long discussion that reels the mind and exhaust the soul.

A discussion that ends with amazement, awe, and gratefulness towards Him and His way of life.

Here’s to converts, have a great Ramadan!

In response to: Connected

Inspired by: Michael Atwood

Criteria: Leader

If someone ask me why I’m a Muslim in the first place, my answer would be pretty simple.

It’s just that I simply don’t know how it feels like to not be a Muslim.

My life is pretty simple, you see. If God says no alcohol, then I don’t taste alcohol. If He warns me against adultery, then I’ll avoid it at all cost. If He tells me to cover my skin, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. My dos and don’ts list are pretty simple that way, and so I don’t really understand why it’s hard for some people to see.

But then I suppose it’s the other way round, in which people don’t know how to not be the way they are as well.

You see, there are times when I just want to cry my eyes out and curl while listening to Cold Play’s The Scientist.  Nobody said it was easy, is pretty much how I can define being a Muslim. Now before any of you jump into conclusion and think I feel oppressed, then please just cut the crap. I don’t feel oppressed. You know what make things hard? It’s the judgmental and small minded environment. If I go to a good Islamic school, I probably won’t feel this way at all. But alas, I am where I am, and it’s always so heart-breaking to see young Muslim not care one bit about God.

Maybe if they were given the choice, they’d choose not to embrace Islam at all.

This is the part where it all comes down to a conclusion, and that is I desperately need someone who can convince me to just ignore them and be proud of who I am with my religion. I am the person that I am today because of my religion, and maybe it doesn’t make me the coolest person at school, but at least it makes me me.

Don’t take me wrong, I am a proud Muslim. But I’m sure you all know it’s not the easiest thing in life to obey a being that you can’t see. I guess I’m waiting for my prince charming to make me see and embrace the beauty of Islam. If there’s one thing I’m really looking for from a husband (besides his faith and religious activity), it is most definitely a leader figure. A leader that I follow not because I have to, but because I want to. A leader that can guide me straight to His grace. A leader who can see that I am struggling and makes it his personal mission to make me believe I am making the right choices.

And I can imagine him, sitting right across the room, singing as best as he can,

if you let me
I can help you out
with all of that

let me love you
I know your trouble
don’t be afraid
oh, I can help

And everything will be okay again after that.

So hey, said leader. Your damsel in distress awaits. Do get here quick, it’s a pretty rough life out here.

He Who Comes First

I can’t love you
no, good sir
not when your path
strays from God

He matters 
far more than you
i have strayed
away too far

it’s not that 
I’m not in love
it’s just that
you’re too far gone

in that 
paradise of yours
there is no God
to be found

in the end
I am His first
the heart beats
to His desire

so with this
I let you go
to sort out
what matters more

may we find
the other one
in His holiness
good grace.

QUESTIONS_ANSWERS

Teen Marriage Q&A

The closer I get to 17, the more anxious I become about the actual topic of getting married. Like every single girl out there, marriage and wedding is the one thing in life I wish to be made perfect. Perfect groom, dress, venue, food, ring, and just about everything. It’s this one day in the life of a girl that just has to be completely perfect, excuse the repetition of the word. And the nearer I get to the date, the more photos of different men are being showed and the more my friends are questioning my sanity as a teenager. These are the most frequent questions they ask that I feel the need to make it clear for everyone.

Q: Why so soon? Aren’t you rushing it?
A: Because I want to feel love the way you can, just in a Halal way. I want to go to movies, make funny videos, talk about life, cuddle, and do all those stuff without feeling guilty about sinning and all that, you know? I want to enjoy my youth while it last with someone I love.

Q: What if you don’t love him?
A: I will have to, eventually. I’ve always dreamed of marrying the person I love, but I suppose now I just need to work on loving the person I’ll marry. I believe that love is a feeling that shows its head when two work for it.

Q: Who’s the guy?
A: I don’t know, we’re still looking.

Q: Is he going to be the same age as you?
A: I’m a dominant person, so I’m hoping for an older guy, the gap of age can make me respect him better. I’d also prefer it if the guy is not someone that I know before. I like the idea of having a new start with someone who doesn’t know me so we can start that ‘getting to know each other’ process together.

Q: Don’t tell me you’re going to become a teen mom!
A: No! God, I’m not planning on getting pregnant so soon, I still have university and career to think about. I’m not getting married to raise a family, I’m just getting married to have a proper relationship.

Q: What if he wants to?
A: These things can be negotiated, right? I’ll only be 17 after all.

Q: Who’s going pay for university if he’s still the same age as you?
A: His parents and mine, at least until the two of us can get a proper career—or I’ll have scholarship to afford my daily needs.

Q: If you find someone you click with, are you going to text back and forth with him?
A: No, I don’t think so, not until marriage at least.

Q: How are you going to know his personality and all that?
A: If things are fixed, his family is supposed to come to my house to get to know each other and all that before the actual engagement.

Q: What if he treats you badly?
A: When I find someone, I’m going to pray and wait for Allah’s answer if he’s the one. I have faith that whoever Allah choses for me is the perfect one, and hence no such thing as marrying the wrong guy.

Q: When’s the wedding?
A: Depends on where I’ll go to university, but I’m hoping for the ceremony to be a simple thing at home soon after the engagement, just to make things Halal. That way I can have pre-wedding photos and plan for the wedding together.

Q: Aren’t you scared?
A: I am! Hahaha, I am. What if he can’t speak English? What if he doesn’t like traveling? What if he wears baggy pants? What if he won’t go to musicals and forbids me from singing altogether? What if he won’t take selfies and such?

Q: Is this because you’re not allowed to date?
A: I don’t want to date. It’s my choice.

And I suppose that’s what I need everyone to understand. That everyone has a choice, and I’m choosing mine. Please respect that.

women-in-hijab-images

World Hijab Day

raise your glass 
to certain pride
a journey of
Muslim women

struggled, we have
for bravery
the hardship of
us believers

so here is to
the struggling us
the prideful us
all kinds of girls

to girls who laugh
in light-weight dress
who dance around
in the meadow

to girls who try
even in jeans
who do their best
to understand

to girls who wish
for said courage
but are not yet
ready to try

to those who can’t
see themselves change
you made your choice
no, we don’t judge

let’s honor this
in your comfort
to your belief
and your freedom

the first day of
February
I celebrate
World Hijab Day

In celebration to
World Hijab Day 2016

As Dad Drives Me To School

Our days our organized around numerous small actions we repeat over and over. What’s your favorite daily ritual?

Let me tell you, it’s hard memorizing the Quran. You sing a song, you forget. You glance at boys, you forget. You don’t recite them, you forget.

My father, bless him, is a man of modern thoughts with a permanent old soul. He likes to share his thoughts online through his blog and it was from his infectious habit that I began to start a blog of my own.

While he is all these amazing figures out there, he is pretty much a dad who’s open minded and never scared of sharing his thoughts or making funny jokes to every sentence I have to offer.

You see, my dad drives me to school.

It’s a routine thing ever since my brother went to Japan, and we always have this unspoken deal that the radio cannot be turned on in the morning. It’s a moment of silence where he recites his daily morning prayer and I read fanfiction in silence.

Lately, he decided to involve me in his daily routine. I just memorized a brand new surah from the Quran last December, and my father is determined for me to not forget it at all, so he makes me recite the surah every morning on our way to school and he’ll correct me every time I get a verse wrong. Each morning I silently hope he’ll forget, just a morning, but he always remembers, and well, who am I to say no to a good deed?

“Whoops, almost forgot, come on, read the surah,” he’d say in a sheepish grin.

And I simply lowered my phone and started us off.

So that’s my favorite bit. At least now I don’t forget. Thanks, Dad.

In response to: Just Another Day

islamic-man-performing-sajdah

Picking the One

I spent 2015 thinking I could forget about love and chemistry and just find someone, anyone, to be my future husband. He could be five years older or two years younger, as long as he was ready for marriage, I didn’t care.

It was easier to think about marriage without doubts when you don’t care about the whole equation and just focus on the results.

Then we hit 2016, and uncertainty started crawling their ways through my current stone-cold heart.

Aside from religious, what if he’s not witty enough? What if he can’t understand how I think and see the world? What if he can’t follow my jokes and laugh at scandalous idioms? What if he’s shy and won’t be willing to make memorable vlogs of our marriage together? Oh–What if he can’t speak English?

The thoughts are never-ending, twisted things. It’s like sinking deeper and deeper into a never-ending ocean without finding ways of coming up for air.

It’s January 2016 and I’m horrified at the idea of finding the wrong one. Funny thing about love is you know exactly what you don’t want but have no single clue of what you want. It’s a cycle of let’s try and see if we click, and sometimes two are just not meant to click.

And gone is now the thoughts of anybody as thoughts of somebody specific reappears. Thoughts of man I crossed out from the calculation for being too distant and non existent–

–Oh, and there’s also thought of one other man too, smart enough to joke and have fun with, who is currently laying in hospital for being sick. If only that man is capable of English–

–and willing.

Look how pathetic I’m being.

I suppose even I can’t just say  yes to anybody breathing Islam. I just wish people who do aren’t so primitive and stuck in a different era completely.

Here’s to looking and finding.

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