Category: Love

Wanted: Chosen One

Last March on the 20th, for some of you who kept up-to-date with this half-abandoned website (do forgive me for that, Senior year had been c-r-a-z-y), I wrote out a list on the perfect husband that I wish to marry someday in the near future. Come 2017, with heart even more dead set on getting married, I realized the ridiculousness of the list that I’ve written before and decided to give it a retouch. Please understand that this list is written simply to humor my cravings and this doesn’t determine anything. At all.

Also, shout out to the newly wed Natta and Wardah Maulina, a couple goals that made me pray day and night to meet the one man that has been written in my destiny.

Without further adieu, the list:


  1. Religious Beliefs: A practicing, critical, curious, tolerant, and passionate Muslim.
  2. In four words: Leader, responsible, honest, adventurous.
  3. Relationship type: Believe in monogamy 100%
  4. Sunday nights are for: Trying new couple activities (Scrapbook, cooking, rock climbing, yoga, ticking out bucket lists)
  5. Foreign or domestic: Foreign is very much preferable for their open-mind, though a domestic is also acceptable. Open-mind being the key.
  6. Ideal age: No older than 25.
  7. Perfect date: Adventure to new places and learn new experiences.
  8. Body type: Anything, as long as healthy. Disability and scars also don’t scare me, I’m willing to learn.
  9. Expert or Generalist: Expert in what he does.
  10. Beach house or country house: I wrote country house last year. Now that I’ve gotten more appreciative of the sunlight, whichever’s fine.
  11. Mommy issues: No, absolutely not. He must love his mother.
  12. Dietary restriction: Doesn’t eat anything that’s forbidden in Islam.
  13. Wants kids? Yes, and I hope to marry someone who’s willing to adopt. I’ve come to learn that there are far too many children who deserve a home. I also wish for my first child to be the adopted child so he can feel more included into the family (This topic is up for discussion).
  14. Does he cook? He has to be willing to try and cook with me on weekends.
  15. Drinking habits? No alcohol.
  16. Cats or Dogs? Cats, though only because religious reasons. If he wants to appreciate pugs or huskies or golden retrievers, that is completely acceptable.
  17. Inked? As long as he’s asked for His forgiveness, I’ll bat a blind eye on past mistakes and regrets.
  18. Sarcastic? The funnier the better, as long as it’s humorous and positive
  19. Who’s prettier? He can be prettier.
  20. He shouldn’t be: A pessimist cynic.
  21. Confidence from 1-10? 11
  22. Chivalry is…? A must!
  23. Man? Woman? Either? Man. Still man.
  24. Likes your job? Yes, he must support my job and dream to the fullest.
  25. Has he ever cheated? As long as he’s a changed man, it’s tolerable.
  26. His turns on: Confidence and big heart.
  27. Takes charge or takes orders? I’d love for him to take charge, though I wish for him to treat me on the basis of mutual respect and equity.
  28. Furry or smooth? Facial hair, yes. Chest hair, no. Legs or arms, sure.
  29. Times for work? As long as he’s free on weekends and makes time for me.
  30. No shorter than: Me
  31. Selfies: Not so much on his own, but taking lots are nice if with family or friends.
  32. Hair style: Either short or long, messy mid-length hair is a meh. If he can rock a man bun, yes.
  33. Multi-lingual: Yes, especially English. Definitely English.
  34. Views: Open-minded.
  35. Credits? Good, he must crave knowledge and be well educated. It shows that he is serious and understands about wanting to make a good life for his own by working hard to achieve good things
  36. Night owl or early bird? Doesn’t matter as long as he wakes me up for Fajr and sleeps after Isha.
  37. What’s his style? Clean, acceptable for social events, and wear clothes that is actually his size.
  38. Hobbies? Anything is fine, but writing, reading, or outdoor activity is much more preferable (running, hiking, et cetera). If he likes playing with trinkets or a handy man, that’s a bonus for me.
  39. First weekend away? Outbond, definitely.
  40. Degree? Let’s work together towards PhD before 30.
  41. Clean or Messy? Clean and organized.
  42. Politics? Gets the hang of it.
  43. He should…? Be open-minded. This is the n-th time I’ve written this. He should be open-minded without straying his views on the rules that’s written in Islam.
  44. Sport? He sweats regularly and is willing to go for a run on holidays or weekends.
  45. Art? Can appreciate art, creativity, and musical theater.
  46. Job? Anything that he loves doing instead of being forced into doing. Also, anything that pay the bills.
  47. Family matters? I’d love to marry someone who has a large family that I can get to know, but I’m not very picky on the matter.
  48. No-no #1? Not religious.
  49. No-no #2? Restricting me from my education, job, and right.
  50. No-no #3? A pessimist who doesn’t have a dream. Dreaming big is attractive, and him working to make his dream come true is even more attractive.

I try to broaden my views on the matter of husband. Allah will not meet me a husband if He deems I’m not ready, and I’m trying at the moment. I know the chances of a 17 year old nobody who just came out of highschool with no clear knowledge on her future meeting her soulmate is very slim, but I really do wish to form a Halal relationship with someone He’s chosen for me.

At the end of the day, only Istikharah prayer will help me decided who’s right and who’s not, so the list won’t matter much. Right now I’m just hoping to get through the National Exam, Prom, Graduation Day, and then get accepted to university with a decent scholarship so I can be financially independent in case I do get married.

I’ll tell you how it turns out later on.

Here’s to he who’s name’s been written in my fate

A Love Message to All Muslim Ladies

Unsent Love Note

Legacy – Day 3
26th April 2016

I would like to love you if life was fair and easy. I hadn’t known who you were, who you’d become, but you were a shining star. If you weren’t in love with another, I would have loved you. 

I would have loved you when I first knew you,
I would have loved you when you wore your shirt
I would have loved you when you broke up.
I would have loved you when you wept for your darling.
I would have loved you when we sat under the stars,
with the warmth of fire,
where you talked about dreams,
your family, of who you want to be, 
of who you strive to become.

In the end, as tears ran down the day you said you were leaving, I chose not to. You, whom I respect, deserves every good thing that is coming your way. I apologize for the drama I caused, I apologized for all the things that caused you worry. 

I wish you luck for the upcoming years. You deserve what you have. Be the best out there and make your family proud.

You know who I am.

On Love

People like the idea of love.

Of loving, being in love, or being loved. It’s simply a human nature so strong that when it all fails, we are left nothing but a broken mess, shattered piece by piece on the floor.

I like the idea of love being this beautiful pain. People come and go looking for this sweet idea, sometimes willing to make the most difficult sacrifices, and sometimes it’s worth it. At times, though, things go downhill and people will remember about the experience as an important life lesson.

If you ask me, I love it. I love being in love, I love looking for love. I love sitting alone in a cafe and trading shy looks with strangers while thinking about a dozen scenario that can progress between them and me. It’s exciting, even if at the end of the day everything turns out to be just that; an imagination.

It’s such a delightful thing to ponder about, too, when you see a couple by themselves. The way they trade meaningful smirks, inside jokes, the slightest touch. The way they act with one another can be a game for you to ponder who is true and who is not, who will make it and who will not. Then sometimes there are also two souls who are not together, but you can see everything about them gravitates toward each other. These people make your knuckles go white. Why can’t they see that they are right for each other?

I suppose I’m a hopeless and hopeful romantic. I’m the kind that might disgust you the most, even. I’m the kind that appreciate chivalry, flowers, surprises, and wanting people to know that I belong to someone, that I am loved.

All in all, I simply have a positive view on love.

I’d be happy to hear what you think.

Here’s to love

Story Worth Telling

Despite knowing how things are going to end, some people still try working  out what they wish to work on in hope of making a difference and rewriting a new ending.

I’m no different than the rest of the world.

For example, I am a part of someone else’s story, just like how people are a part of my story. How things are going to end up between me and other people are something I can’t foresee if I don’t put my mind on it.

At this moment, I like to think that I am a part of that one chapter that is going to be either the future or the history of someone very dear to me, and I am trying to make peace with myself at how I see where things will end, when it comes down to that.

In the past week, it was something that keeps nagging me in my head. As I turn our stories into pages of papers, as I record every detail that I wish to remember for as long as I could, I decided that despite knowing where we’ll fall, I’ll have the greatest time heading into that cliff, and I willed myself to remember that there should be no regrets coming out of this narrative.

I don’t know how things are going to work out,
but I know it will be a story worth telling about

I promised myself that I’ll be happy with how things are going to turn out in the future.

I got into this understanding who’ll get hurt and who’ll get disappointed, but I also got into this knowing full well that I will regret it if I don’t test the water first. I spent ten months before this living in an oblivion, only to be woken up by a harsh truth that slapped things could have happened if only we made the right choice, and it was a painful realization that I don’t wish to experience again.

I’m content with how things are, and I’m okay if I’m going to get hurt because of it. Some things are just worth more than the pain, and I like to think that I am a part of a narrative that is worth the pain.

I only hope I’m not wrong.

Here’s to regret

When Love Comes Back

Last year, at the tender age of 15, I gave up on the notion of love.

When you live according to a certain rule book, it was extremely challenging to make the most of your life despite certain boundaries that keep you from straying too far. Love is one of the things that I let those boundaries control over, to the point where I let the whole destiny and notion go to the One who has power over it.

It was a cowardice move of mine, I suppose, to let such thing go. But the situation around me was too hopeless for me to do anything about, and so I let things happen the way it should, doing nothing but lean back as I see life unfolds the way it was destined to. Love stayed away from me for a while, and I enjoyed seeing them blossom left and right where I wasn’t concerned.

Until I was reminded of a love that could have happened.

It was a continuous event, one that I was confused with for quite a while. I mean, how do are you supposed to act when a long lost first love of yours show up after six years? Building up to the main event, I was speaking to this man, the first heartbreak and love of mine, who I could not, for one second, forget.

When he suddenly disappeared, I was more relieved than upset. It was a suffocating one week of my life, with me questioning every bit of what went wrong in our non-existent relationship, and I didn’t need that many stress prior to the week that was to come at the time.

When said week came, the next love hit me like a train wreck. It was a story of what could have been, a journey that didn’t happen, and two feelings that grew but kept away for the better of everyone’s sake. When the love revealed itself, I was a sobbing mess, aching for all the things that I could have had but slipped away from my fingers. Every bit of the situation was so heart-wrenching that I still get nausea thinking about it to this day.

At the time, I asked myself, who deserve this? 

Who deserve being presented with love right under their nose when said love got taken away so quickly from them right after? Who deserve the kind of regret that people feel when they wish they could turn back time, return, and redo everything for the better?

The love that presented itself right under my nose made me stop in my track. Before the whole thing happened, I gave up on being in love. Now that small truths are revealed, would I change my course and take control of my own fate? Is that really the wise thing to do? Question after question came, would I wait for said love? Would I still let the One choose my path for me?

Even before this whole thing, I already knew what I wanted.

I want to wait, I want to see where this love can go, at least until I understand what is being put at stake.

—at least until I understand what is being put at stake.

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