Category: To Whom It May Concern

Lucky Lady Number One

My first reaction was rage.

It was one of those moments when you knew what was going to happen but refuse to admit it with every fiber of your being because you can’t accept it for whatever reason. They were counting, adding tally after tally, everyone was watching with anticipation, some happy, some irritated, some relieved.

I was fuming.

My next reaction was to cool down and think.

He must have had some kind of plan for what’s coming next, I thought. Everyone had seen the wave of change coming a mile away, some even closer. Everyone knew something was coming, and when my phone buzzed with notification informing who the chosen one was, I thought, this is it. This is the change we’ve all been bracing ourselves for.

I wanted the change, wanted to see it happen since day one, but this isn’t what I expected. I wanted the mindless agendas to stop, I wanted the hypocrisy to disappear into thin air, and I wanted everyone to be open-minded, kind, and humane.

The change that is happening right now is supporting the healthy environment that I wanted at the beginning, but then a lot of us were made to feel the harsh truth. I was made to see how glorious life can be from the other side, and I loved it. I loved the power, the adrenaline, the constant thinking, the strength.

It made me think maybe this life isn’t so bad after all, as mindless as it is.

Maybe the reason why I’m upset is because I can’t bear to adapt with another change. It’s long coming, I know that, and it feels like today was the final straw the universe needed for everything to be set in motion to a complete new direction. With this change, everything will start from a fresh, raw, ground where no one has stepped into before, and things are only going to get trickier from here on out.

And so we’re back to square one with the lucky lady number one.

I only hope this is the right direction, and I only hope the lady who willed to fight understands not to stand against the wave. We need this change, we need this to happen, and we need this to be done the proper way. She can be the change that stands for the royals, or she can be the change that stands with the people.

Choice’s up to the lady.

I only hope she chooses right.

Be smart, and congratulation.

Here’s to you.

Leave Them Be

People tend to forget that when you wish to cover up for religious purpose, you don’t do it half way. Some women who still struggle, bless them all, sometimes cover up only the hair and not the chest, only the feet and not the ankle, and I have highest respect to all those who still try no matter how difficult it is even in the most supporting environment, let alone a nonsupporting one.

So what is the problem?

The problem is, I am on my way trying to work on covering up every bit of skin that hide so many sin, and while it was never a struggle before when I believe I’m doing it for His sake, even my patience is wearing thin that I was close to snapping at my friends, and this coming from someone who dislike confrontation.

“Ew, why is your socks so long?” or “Ew, freak.”

Those hurt, and I laughed it off nonchalantly while reminding myself they don’t understand, and I can’t hate them for what they have no full comprehension of.

But the feelings crawl and itch right under my skin, to the ugliest side of my heart, and words that I wish I get to truthfully throw left and right feel like acid to my tongue.

In all honesty, I know they make me look like a freak, I know that, but does it ever occur to you that I still slap them on each morning because it’s for He who matters more?

Look how whiny I sound. This is pathetic of me too, to make such a big fuss out of it.

A playful banter is something I can take, knife-sharp words are something I grew to adjust with for the past two years, but I don’t wish this judgment upon anybody else who are still struggling with their Hijrah, and so I beg of you, don’t speak if you don’t have anything nice to say.

Leave people be with what they do, like how they leave you with what you do. Judge behind closed doors, reprimand only if it is something that truly counts as bad. Keep distance if you can’t hurt your image by being with them, and stay if you can’t give an ounce to care. It’s only simple, humane, and it doesn’t cost a thing.

Here’s to the struggle of Hijrah.

Criteria: Leader

If someone ask me why I’m a Muslim in the first place, my answer would be pretty simple.

It’s just that I simply don’t know how it feels like to not be a Muslim.

My life is pretty simple, you see. If God says no alcohol, then I don’t taste alcohol. If He warns me against adultery, then I’ll avoid it at all cost. If He tells me to cover my skin, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. My dos and don’ts list are pretty simple that way, and so I don’t really understand why it’s hard for some people to see.

But then I suppose it’s the other way round, in which people don’t know how to not be the way they are as well.

You see, there are times when I just want to cry my eyes out and curl while listening to Cold Play’s The Scientist.  Nobody said it was easy, is pretty much how I can define being a Muslim. Now before any of you jump into conclusion and think I feel oppressed, then please just cut the crap. I don’t feel oppressed. You know what make things hard? It’s the judgmental and small minded environment. If I go to a good Islamic school, I probably won’t feel this way at all. But alas, I am where I am, and it’s always so heart-breaking to see young Muslim not care one bit about God.

Maybe if they were given the choice, they’d choose not to embrace Islam at all.

This is the part where it all comes down to a conclusion, and that is I desperately need someone who can convince me to just ignore them and be proud of who I am with my religion. I am the person that I am today because of my religion, and maybe it doesn’t make me the coolest person at school, but at least it makes me me.

Don’t take me wrong, I am a proud Muslim. But I’m sure you all know it’s not the easiest thing in life to obey a being that you can’t see. I guess I’m waiting for my prince charming to make me see and embrace the beauty of Islam. If there’s one thing I’m really looking for from a husband (besides his faith and religious activity), it is most definitely a leader figure. A leader that I follow not because I have to, but because I want to. A leader that can guide me straight to His grace. A leader who can see that I am struggling and makes it his personal mission to make me believe I am making the right choices.

And I can imagine him, sitting right across the room, singing as best as he can,

if you let me
I can help you out
with all of that

let me love you
I know your trouble
don’t be afraid
oh, I can help

And everything will be okay again after that.

So hey, said leader. Your damsel in distress awaits. Do get here quick, it’s a pretty rough life out here.

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