Let’s Pretend I’m Not A Freak

Hey, I’m a high school student, and people here label names to everybody. Since I still want to have friends and be accepted by the social community, let’s pretend I’m not  a freak.

When you’re in a place where people are so judgmental, it is hard to be who you really are in the fear of being mocked and avoided by those you want to be friends with. So you talk about shoe brand and fancy hang out restaurant’s name, you talk about boys, and you gossip about who’s dating who and who’s being beaten up by who.

Really, it’s not that hard to blend it with society if you’re willing to hide the secrets of who you really are.

So you stopped talking about your favorite anime, and you delete all Japanese songs from your phone in case they check. You delete pictures of your favorite characters from your phone and you let your tongue mock the freak at school.

All just to be accepted.

You look down on the freak society, glare at them when they let themselves laugh too loud, and you ignore their existence — all while being a closeted freak as well. They are good people, you assure yourself. They’re not wrong for liking certain Animes and being able to draw good. They just chose wrong to expose their preference in High School society, you tell yourself.

But really, the truth says it all, and you know they are a thousand times braver than you’ll ever will be for being who they are and not being afraid of it. All that matters to them is how they are accepted by their real friends who’ll never speak behind their back, and I applaud them for that.

But at the end of the day, they’re avoided by society and being called foul names.

So let’s pretend I’m not a freak.

In response to: Game of Groans

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6 Comments

  1. When I was in high school, I was a closeted anime fan too! Now that I’m a little bit older, I realized how utterly stupid it was to hide what I like just so I could fit in high school. Once you get out of that environment, you’ll meet people who have different passions and hobbies than the “norm”. You’ll realize that being true to yourself is actually cooler than being part of the mass.

    • Zhafira

      Thank you, I hope things get better in the future for other anime fans hahaha, for now I’m fine with how things are

  2. Mon

    *Sigh* This literally made my sigh. It’s sad but true 🙁 I tried hard to not be a “freak” but that didn’t work 🙁 It’s a choice between being lonely in school (for being a “freak”) and having friends a lot of times. If we all had that one person with us who could understand the dynamics of our mind :/

    • Zhafira

      I agree, it feels like the only way we can stay in the social hierarchy is by not being true to ourselves

  3. This is actually a very nice post Zhafira. It is well written and puts your point across finely. It is true that there are many closet geeks in schools who see themselves as freaks and hide their interests from the world around them in fear of being shunned.

    My own sisters are huge fans of K-Pop and Korean drama’s but hide this information from most people in fear of being thought weird. Only recently they began to share their love for anime to their closest friends and are currently converting each and everyone of them into anime lovers.

    I didn’t mind being a freak too much as long as everyone left me alone. Hence why I wasn’t very popular in school.

    • Zhafira

      I see, I think people like you are great for being able to stand strong on your feet. I hope I’ll have the courage to do so one day, cheers!

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