There’s a fine line between solitude and loneliness

I was reading a fanfiction one day and I stumbled upon a quote similar to the one I wrote above. Things that happened for the past few days reminded me of the quote, and how strongly I feel about it. Sometimes I like to think that I stand on the solitude side. Not only does it sounds stronger and more powerful, solitude is a choice, while loneliness isn’t. With solitude, you choose to leave the worthless baggage where they stand to start a new path on your own. While with loneliness, even the worthless baggage see it as a burden to walk with you.

I used to care so much of what people think, because in all honesty, as much as you don’t want to admit it, people do define where you stand. Without the respect of the people around you, it’s hard to survive. So I laid low in the back and let the flow adjust my course, while believing people will be there for you if you’re there for them. Solidarity, is what I used to believe from years of watching animes and dramas, thinking it can actually happen in real life.

With solidarity, you move together and take actions together with your crowd. You step forward with your loved ones, hand in hand, firm, strong. You stand up for your leader and take blame on behalf of everyone together instead of letting a lone soldier take full responsibility for the fault of hundreds man.

Bullshit.

That’s the only way I can describe solidarity. To me, solidarity is a way to be hide, to be save. A way to not take blame because you step forward and do faults together, making it hard to put blame to a sole person alone. Solidarity means you have to make sure your mindset is uniform with your significant hundreds of others, leaving no room for opinion. Solidarity, in the end, becomes a place to hide for those who fear to step forward and express their thoughts alone. People lean on solidarity to make sure they are doing the right thing, with no faith and trust in themselves. With solidarity, you and the hundred others only share that tiny fraction amount of courage. Because you fear together, you lose courage together, and don’t have enough trust to actually believe that you can rise together.

What happens with solidarity then, when you stand still with fear creeping your whole nerve, while your leaders take blame on your behalf?

They turn to dust, I’m telling you. Gone.

And so I turn course and stand on my ground. Solitude, is my choice. My respect and loyalty is mainly to my leaders. Because I refuse to stay still with crowds whose courage are shared, whose flame ignites just as fast as it disappears. I refuse to be dragged by in a society where I have to stand back when the people I respect have to take blame for me, when it was my fault. I refuse, to be defined by a society whose thoughts are clouded.

And in the end, if I have to be solid with anyone, I choose to share that solidarity with other lone soldiers who have guts and courage, who truly care for their loved ones, who are brave enough to break down their wall of fear and doubts to stand up together, for what is right.

And I’m asking you—you know who you are—to prove my solidarity wrong.